How it Started:
In January I wrote about why I decided to stay United Methodist. To date, it is my most-read blog post ever. And that includes a goofy, throw-away piece I wrote in 2008 about the slogan “Cassoulet Forever” that was inexplicably huge in France. (Go figure.) Then I wrote a short follow-up in February, right after my home church at the time voted to disaffiliate. It’s been almost five months since I passed through that church’s exit doors for the last time as a member – and I feel compelled to let anyone interested know how it’s been going since then.
How it’s Going:
The first thing we did was take a Sunday off. We’ll say it was a grieving period, but honestly – as much as we try to move past it, the grief persists. Our plan was to attend a handful of different United Methodist churches around the area – ones that we had been assured by the District Superintendent were not interested in disaffiliation. But the very first one we visited was so warm and welcoming – and felt so undeniably United Methodist – that we didn’t feel the need to continue our search. We have been there every Sunday that we could since.
Don’t get me wrong, as friendly and accepting as the members there are, it’s not quite the same. It will probably never be the same. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. First, I spent so many years being extremely involved – not just in the operations of the church, but being a lay speaker, running the soundboard and media, taking care of its social media presence, even unlocking the doors and turning on the lights on Sunday morning, and so much more – that it feels weird to just be a congregant. In some ways, it feels like I’m not doing enough now. In others though, it feels restorative to be able to relax, to just focus on the Gospel, to sing and worship, and to just be present.
Still, even five months later, we feel like outsiders – like visitors. And we take full responsibility for that feeling because we are just not very social people. I tend to have more social anxiety and awkwardness than my wife, but neither of us are the kind to jump in with both feet. I don’t mingle and I’m really bad at small talk. We just recently started slowly working our way into a few of their non-worship service events and gatherings. And eventually, we will consider getting involved in their missions, bible studies, or Sunday School. But we’re not sure we’re quite there yet.
For now, we continue to hold onto our membership at our former church, for no other reason than to cast our ballots when they eventually have their final disaffiliation vote. I know we will undoubtedly be in the extreme minority again – but we still think it’s too important to just give up on. If and when that happens though, we will transfer our membership.
I have always been an advocate for attending where God led you to go. I just never dreamed that He would lead us anywhere but where we were. I was wrong. To be honest, I hadn’t been happy in church for a long time. I showed up. I faithfully participated in the life and ministries of our local congregation through my prayers, presence, gifts, service, and witness. I thought I was doing the right thing and assumed that things would eventually turn around. We had been through rough patches before and it had always worked out. But Sunday after Sunday we were leaving worship upset – sometimes angry – sometimes in tears. The straw vote was the nudge we needed to pay attention to the Holy Spirit and, as hard as it was, to move on.
I feel like there are some people there that think we are mad at them or are trying to avoid them for some reason. That's not true. We still love and miss many of our friends and family that stayed. If we're mad at anyone, it's the Global Methodist Church and its cheerleaders.
How’s it going? It’s actually going well. Definitely better than it went for Kevin Malone and his giant pot of famous chili (the Office, season 5, episode 26 for the Dunder Mifflin impaired).
We are pretty happy – and getting happier every day.
Thanks for asking.